The恐慌 in My Heart

As I sit here, staring out the window at the endless expanse of sky, I can’t help but feel a sense of panic wash over me. It’s a feeling that I’ve been trying to push down for so long, but now it seems like it’s here to stay.

I remember the day that I first felt this way. I was in my early 20s, and I had just moved to a new city for my job. The first thing I did was try to find a place to live, but when I looked around, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was in the wrong place. The prices were too high, the amenities were lacking, and everything seemed too perfect.

I remember feeling like I was losing myself in the process. I was trying to find my place in this new world, but I was running out of time. I had to find a place to fit in, to feel at home, and I wasn’t sure where to start.

As I got closer to my decision, the panic began to take hold. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something important. I was missing something that I thought was out there, something that I was never going to find.

I remember feeling like I was losing myself in my job. I was working as a software engineer, and I was constantly trying to stay ahead of the curve. I was constantly learning new things, constantly pushing myself to be better. But as I looked at my colleagues, I couldn’t help but feel like I was the only one who was trying.

The panic continued to consume me, and I began to doubt myself. I was a good engineer, I thought. I was hard-working, dedicated, and honest. But now I was feeling like I was missing something important, something that I thought was out there.

As the panic continued to consume me, I began to realize that I was living in a world that I didn’t understand. A world that was too perfect, too perfect to be real. A world where I was running out of time, where I was running out of place, and where I was running out of myself.

The panic in my heart is still with me today. It’s a feeling that I can’t shake, a feeling that I can’t control. It’s a feeling that I’m trying to push down, but it seems like it’s here to stay. I’m trying to find a way to make sense of it, to understand it, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to.